Inside My Head

There’s no telling what you’ll find

Stranded Thursday, October 30, 2008

Filed under: Story — Deanna C. @ 2:17 pm
Tags: , , , ,

 

Stranded

 

            As I entered seventh grade I, along with the other fifty six students in my class, realized something rather scary to most of us: after we graduated from eighth grade the following year, we had no high school to go to.

            For three decades, the Ellis Elementary School students, like I was, had been sent to Sanborne Regional High a few towns over, but over the summer before my seventh grade year, our principal was caught having an affair with the Sanborne’s principal’s wife. Their principal then told our town that he didn’t want Fremont students in his school anymore. So after the year 2000, our unwritten contract with Sanborne Regional High was over. I’m sure it was a lot more complicated than that, but that’s how my parents explained it to me.

            So, once school started in September of 1999, the town hall meetings began. These meeting were far too large to have in our town hall, so about three quarters of the town, that has a population of maybe 2000 was crowded into the dimly lighted echo-y gym/cafeteria/auditorium of Ellis Elementary school. Some of the orange lunch table benches had been pulled down of extra seating after the chairs in the outlined basketball court had been filled.

            Fremont contains three groups of people, one is the really old people who hate change, second is the people actually affected by the issue, and third are the young couples with young children, as one would imagine with only fifty-seven students in my class, and four sets of multiples, our parents were greatly outnumbered by people who thought they understood the issue more that the people being actually, you know, affected by it.  

            My parents decided it would be a good experience for me to attend these meetings, every Tuesday and Thursday for the first two months of school, I did my homework in the girls’ bathroom across from the gym. There was a table hinged to the back wall of the pink bathroom that smelled of stale perfume and body odor. I still have yet to figure out why there is a ten foot table nailed to the wall of the girls bathroom instead of, let’s say, a third stall, but it does. Also forced to attend these meetings were Kathryn Graves, and Bobby Smithson. Kathryn and I had been best friends in second grade, but I hadn’t really spoken to her since, so topics of conversation were quite limited as we sat next to each other in chairs stolen from a first grade classroom. Bobby was the “I want to stand up for what’s right” kid in my class. His mom actually didn’t want him to attend the meetings, but she also couldn’t leave him home alone, so he sat, every Tuesday and Thursday, across from the doorway of the girls’ bathroom against a mural of a dragon we all called Elliot.

            At the beginning of November, Bobby approached Kathryn and I in Social Studies class. “Hey, I think we can convince the adults that we know what’s best for our futures.” He said. I looked over to Kathryn, she rolled her big brown eyes, we’d both heard this before; Bobby had tried to get our third grade substitute teacher fired, he was a really horrible teacher, but Bobby had a tendency to take thing too far sometimes. Still Kathryn and I listened as he laid out his master plan: “I got my mom to reserve time to talk at the meeting next Tuesday, we’ll talk, the three of us and who ever else wants to stand up and say something about our educational lives. I mean, seriously guys, the old people and the people with no kids are deciding for us. I know we all would rather spend high school together in a small school like Epping High, than end up in the crazy large school of Exeter.”

            He had a rather good point, but I wasn’t about to be the one to stand up in front of the whole town and voice my opinion, I didn’t talk in class, let alone to over a thousand people. Bobby told me that my main role would be writing. He didn’t want to sound like an idiot talking off the cuff, and I had a way to make him sound “less like a twelve year old, and more like a very intelligent fourteen year old.” That was the first peer complainant I had ever received, so I was in.

            The next three days were we spent every moment of Social Studies on the computer writing out our proposal. Our teacher, Mr. Harrow, looked on in amazement; it was his teaching that put us in front of that screen. It was really him that got us to do this. Without Mr. Harrow I honestly have no idea where I would be in life right now.

           

            On our big Tuesday, fourteen of my classmates, met Bobby, Kathryn and I outside the gym before the meeting started. Bobby found out that his mom would be called to speak third that day so we didn’t have much time to rehearse. We all lined up in the girls’ bathroom, most of the boys commented on how their bathroom didn’t have a table, Kathryn and I laughed and told them they could have it, the table was completely pointless unless you were stuck at town hall meetings of hours on end two nights a week. Bobby stood in the door way, listening. He was easily the shortest kid in our class, not much of an authority looking figure, but our whole class looked to him for the right answer in situations like this. 

            Mrs. Smithson’s turn came about a half hour in; Bobby waved us toward the gym doors. I wasn’t really a surprise that we were all there, seventeen twelve year-olds are kind of hard to hide when they rush an SUV in a parking lot, but Mrs. Smithson told the school board that we had a big Social Studies project due, technically she wasn’t lying. Mrs. Smithson stood tall and straight at the microphone: “I don’t have anything to say, but my son and his friends have quite a bit to say on the matter of their education.”

                 The room was much warmer than I remember it ever being before, the body heat of over half our small town. The dim lighting made it hard to see the wires for the microphones and speakers that lined the floor.

            Bobby was elected the leader and speaker for the group, we all wanted to be there, but this was really Bobby’s mission. He tapped the microphone to make sure it was working, like he’d seen in the movies, of course it had been Mrs. Smithson had just spoken into it. He raised our speech close to his face so he could see it in horrible lighting and began to speak. “As the class that will be most affected by the decision you make about what high school we attend, we, the Ellis Elementary School class of 2001, would like to have some input on the matter.”

            “You’re not of legal age to vote,” said one of the school board members, as if we were unaware of this fact. That’s why Bobby’s mom had to reserve our speaking time, that’s why we all had to hide in the bathroom until it was time to speak, “If you can’t vote on the matter you can’t speak about it.”

            “But it’s our future not yours!” Kathryn yelled from beside me, I could see her mom, seated next to mine, sink down in her chair, as if she were embarrassed of us. We were the only ones doing anything. All the adults had done was argue about how a bigger school meant better education. We spent a week in a classroom discussing it with Mr. Harrow and writing a report about it. No one in that room over the age of eighteen had put any serious thought into what this decision meant to us, the kids, the people who had no where to attend high school in a year and a half. 

            Several of the townspeople stood up and yelled that we hadn’t even been at the meetings, we didn’t understand. Mrs. Smithson, the only parent not incredibly ashamed of us, told them that Kathryn, Bobby, and I had been, and that all the rest of us had heard what was going on from us, and their parents. We went just a group of kids trying to cause trouble we were actually doing the right thing.

            We all just stood there while adults argued, looking defeated. We couldn’t do anything. No one wanted to listen to us. The people that wanted to take a stand for what was right, had been turned away. We we’re allowed to have a voice, even though our voice the one of common sense.

 

 

 

HANSON! and PAPER TOWNS!!! Saturday, October 25, 2008

So Wednesday I went to a Hanson Concert with JenJen. It was the most jokes thing ever. This was my 3rd Hanson Concert, and by far the best. I think it was because I finally knew all the words to their songs.

The Walk was AWESOME! JenJen got to talk to Isaac, and I kinda did… but still awesome. I stood like inches from Zac, I could have touched him if I wanted 2, well, I did want to, but I decided to leave creepy Deanna in Maine this time. Taylor touched JenJen. (be prepared for this to become her David Cook touched me story, although probably not as annoying)

The opening band was the sweetest opening band, ever, I’m going to make a vlog about this,  being the awesome friend JenJen is, she got me a web cam for my b-day. I hearts the JenJen. Not just because she got me a webcam, I hearts her for being one my my best friends even though when we were at WPI when we got lost going to the concert I said “Jenn goes here, not you my friend Jenn.” But seriously I love me some JenJen in that way that only former roommates can really love each other. <3’s for the JenJen.

Anyways, Everybody else was the band, youtube them, they’re GREAT!

The Hanson part was even awesomer. I mean seriously, in the middle of If Only, they went onto “Let’s get it on.” Now I have a feeling you know the type of people that go to Hanson Concerts, they aren’t 10, but they were between 10 and 19 when they first appeared on the scene. There was sign there that said “We’ve loved you longer than your wives,” Taylor saw it and was like “yea pretty much.” So the high pitched screaming noise rivaled that of David Archuleta fans.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70f0chZVudA (example of Archie fans, also funny as hell)

 

Well It was Zac’s birthday. His 23 b-day to make you feel really old, cuz I do every time I think about it. And this happened:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPbhs4NXrvE

 

This is JenJen’s vid.

 

after the show we met Everybody Else, seriously Go Youtube them right now. then come back and read about Paper Towns.

 

PAPER TOWNS!!!!! by John Green

I finished reading it on Thursday! OMG best book I’ve read in a long time. Like seriously I’m not just saying that. It’s the best book I’ve read since Speak, and Speak is a particularly good book. I can’t even put into words how great it is. Go read it. right after you youtube Everybody Else.

There is just the right amount of Penis Jokes and Walt Whitman. I heart the Walt Whitman. I’m afraid in writing a review that I’ll give stuff away, so I’m going to not review it, but it’s really really really good. I’m going to re-read it after I read Looking for Alaska.

In other Paper Towns news, If you read my blog, you would have noticed that I said John Green told us something secret at the Boston Nerdfighter gathering. Well I can officially tell you!!!! It’s that Paper Towns may become a movie, made by the people that made Juno!!! That’s how awesome this book is. Go read it. I would let you borrow mine, but it’s all signed.

 

I think that’s it. Youtube Everybody Else, read Paper Towns by John Green. and DFTBA!

 

Flash of Blue Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Filed under: Story — Deanna C. @ 10:10 am
Tags: , , , ,

Flash of Blue

                Senior skip day was supposed to be a day for the senior class to all chill out at the beach, or Bobby Johnston’s lake house, forgetting all about the test they are supposed to take that day, and how soon it would all be over, and even though most of us weren’t exactly friends, we’d really miss each other that fall when Courtney wasn’t around to say the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life everyday. A majority of my class planned to head to Bobby Johnston’s house on Pawtuckaway Lake because it has power, and therefore a mini fridge that could be easily stocked with beer; and it was April so no one else would be around to call the police. But my friends and I have very different plans for that day. What could Bobby Johnston’s house have that was any more awesome than spending senior skip day at a museum?

                After an 11:30 breakfast at the Newington IHOP, Lanie, Viola and I departed from the rest of our class, the people we had never really gotten along with until this year, when they for some reason decided that they had to get to know the weird kids. We, however, did not want to get to know the “popular crowd,” and an hour and a half breakfast with them, was more than enough bonding time.

                The three of us loaded in my 1996 tan Ford Explorer and headed east toward Portsmouth, a road we had traveled so many times before it didn’t seem important to pay much attention. We blasted old Spice Girls songs and sang at the top of our lungs, as Lanie, seated in the back, stuck her hands out my sun roof.

                By the Kmart, at the stop light, we waited our turn first in line. Anxiously, we awaited the change so we could get to Strawberry Banke, the Plymouth Plantation of New Hampshire. I hit the gas as soon as the light changed. Viola, who was riding shotgun let out an ear piercing screech, the matched the sound of the Blue AstroVan’s tires as it skidded toward us. Lanie was sitting without a seatbelt leaning into the front seat. None of us had enough time to react to anything.

                By the magical force field that surrounded us that day, Lanie, instead of slamming through the windshield like she should have, hit her back against it as the Explorer moved an unnatural sideways into the Kmart parking lot and lay awkwardly her head on my lap her legs by on the floor by Viola.

                The next thing I remember is shaking Viola, shaking her limp body, screaming her name as loud as I could. Lanie’s blood covered most of me and my front seat, but Lanie was moving. The Spice Girls CD skipped as shook my best friend, Lanie groggily helping me. “You’re bleeding too,” Lanie whispered in the only voice should manage, there was a large cut across my upper arm, but I didn’t care, nothing matters when you’re best friend could be dead.

                Moments later there was a darkly clad man at my window, and a matching one at Viola’s. “Stop moving her, she may have a neck injury,” the voice from behind me yelled. I froze, staring at my bloody best friend as the police officer tried to open the door with what looked like a crowbar. The one behind me pulled open my door. He waved someone over, and in minutes an almost conscious Lanie lay in the back of an ambulance. I was next to be removed from the twisted metal. I tried to watch for Viola, but it was nearly impossible for my angle in the ambulance.

                I did, however, get a good look at the other driver, a woman about the age of our mothers, early forties, with three young children. She sat adjacent for me in her own emergency vehicle wearing her own neck brace, holding the youngest child, crying. I remember hoping she thought she killed my friend.

                Through the chaos I saw Viola being wheeled to the fifth ambulance at the scene. I saw her grab the hand of the EMT pushing her away.  I knew then everything would be okay.  

               

 

John and Hank Green PLUS Keith and Dan, with some Obi! Saturday, October 18, 2008

OKz so yesterdaky was the awesomest of all the awesome days.

It started at like 5 in the morning, when I woke up because I was too excited to sleep. At 8:30 happy danced to b-fast, and when I got back I checked my packages from Amazon and noticed that my gryffindor tie was here. So I went down to the Admin building to get it. and it was really… PAPER TOWNS!!!!!!!!! So i screeched and happy danced back to my room.

then the longest 2 hours of classes. and lunch

then Keith Obi and I drove to BOSTON. I got lost, because I’m Deanna and thats what I do. But we got there. and then it was JOHN AND HANK GREEN TIME!!

 

So the actual event was like this: Secret Brother Tom introduced John and gave the Katherine and the Yeti shirts, he wanted the Yeti to come up on stage but John was like “Yea, that’s not going to happen.” But she stood up, and was sitting next to me. SARAH “the Yeti” Green was sitting next to me! She’s kinda famous!

The John read part of Paper Towns to us and talked about stuff. Mostly how his book is how people see others and that its important not to have characters like the impossibly hott girl, or the “107 year old vampire virgin who has waited his whole life for you, and just because you smell just right you’ll be together forever.” Which was hilarious.

Then Hank sang, kinda. He doesn’t know the chords to the songs he wrote, which is awesome. And in the middle of It’s Too Hot, his screen saver came on and he had to stop. And asked everyone to sing along. and as soon as we did he messed up again. and he said “Great you guys start singing and I Fuck up.” then he turned red, and covered the mic, and said “That’s a new acronym.” and then the mic broke. like stopped working completely. then he tried to sing Book 8, and was unsuccessful at that 2. But he’s Hank, and I still love him.

Then Julia Nunes played. She’s awesome, youtube her. http://www.junumusic.com
http://au.youtube.com/user/jaaaaaaa

Then John did a question Tuesday. Where he told us stuff he can NEVER repeat, and I’m not going to. He also recommends that everyone be a peep for Halloween. “No more slutty nurses or weird vampires with silvery hair, just peeps.” <3’s for the John Green.

Then it was book signing time!!! So we were like in the back of the line. And so was HANK! so I got to talk to Hank and he asked me what I was carrying around and I said “This is my friend JenJen who couldn’t come, cuz she has like a job or something.” and he laughed and took a pic with it and said “I can’t kiss real nerdfighters but I can kiss this one!” and Kissed the JenJen stick! and then I told him my “I got kicked out of B&N” story, and he laughed and asked if they could do that and I said “Well I can’t make up stories that good.” and he laughed again.

THEN! I got to meet JOHN GREEN!!!!! my first real life author of books i’ve read meeting!!!! He signed the Paper Towns I got that day in the mail and I told him the B&N story and he laughed WICKED hard. and he said “well, thanks for doing that anyway.” It was EPIC.

I wish I had a real camera I only had my phone, but It was still cool beans

 

Then we went to dinner at Mickydees and the people gave Keith’s food to the wrong guy, who was eating  fries, and the took it from the guy and gave it to Keith with no replacement fries.

 

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE STORY

 

 

John and Hank’s websites: www.sparksflyup.com   www.nerdfighters.ning.com  www.youtube.com/user/vlogbrothers

 

For the Sake of the Childern Thursday, October 16, 2008

Filed under: Story — Deanna C. @ 9:25 am
Tags: , , ,

WARNING: This one is really disturbing. I’m not even kidding a little bit. But besides that ENJOY!

 

 

For the Sake of the Children

 

We kill everybody, my dear. Some with bullets, some with words, and everybody with our deeds. We drive people into their graves, and neither see it nor feel it. – Maxim Gorky

 

            I was thirteen when it happened, nearly ten years ago now. It replays in my head day after day like a horror film on loop at the Ioka theater downtown. I still see him at family functions–eyeing others who can’t see him for what he really is. I live in the shadows now. I’ve prided myself of being completely invisible. It’s a gift really, a gift I never wanted to receive.

 I miss who I was before, before this, before he killed my soul and made me into nothing. I could have been something, I had plans once. I could have made my parents proud; but he took my ability to succeed. I could have been a star volleyball player; I was good, really good, but he made me quit sophomore year. I could have been a teacher like I wanted to be. I loved to have an impact on other people’s lives, but he took my trust of others. Now I can barely be around other people. I can’t stand to be touched or even be looked at. I’ve become nothing, and no one saw what was happening. No one bothered to see the warning signs.

I watch him whenever I see him, which is far too often, I see they way he looks at my cousins, all three thirteen now like I was. They’re his new target.

I need to protect them. But I can’t do that without telling, something I still am not ready for, no one would believe me anyway. For the sake of Melissa, Abigail, and Sarah I have to rid the world of him. I have to save them.  If I do it this way, I will never have to tell the secrets. This is the best choice for all involved. I’ll rid the world of a monster and protect the innocence left in my little cousins. I will save them, because no one was there to save me.

 

            I’ve decided it will have to be at night, for the cover of darkness will be the best way to cover my tracks. No one would find it odd for me to be at that house after dark; after all, he is my uncle. I could need money, a car ride, or something mundane. Who would ever expect a niece could do such a thing to such a loving uncle? I can make it look like a robbery. I watch enough CSI and Law and Order to fake that one. I would have to really take things though. I can always throw them in the Exeter River. They’d wash to the Atlantic and no one would ever find them. All I need is to choose my weapon. A gun is way hard to obtain. Poison takes too long and is way too easy to trace. I want this to hurt him, like he hurt me; every moment of his death needs to be agonizing. I want to hear him scream for his life, the way I screamed… cry the way I cried.

            The night I killed my uncle, there was a new moon. I wore all black, like I always did, but I carried a bag with other clothes inside–nursing scrubs that I could throw into a dumpster at the hospital when I was finished. I also carried a large steak knife, purchased at the Good Will store in Portsmouth along with a hat with a large red feather for my little brother, and some bowling shoes so not to make the knife stand out.   

            I wanted to duct tape a flashlight to the front of my bicycle, but that would only bring attention to me, and I hate attention.  I crept slowly up the walkway, leaving my bike by the unlocked doorway. I was careful not to allow the screen door to slam behind me; this would have awoken not only my intended victim but his landlords downstairs, and I couldn’t let that happen. I took off my shoes and left them by the doorway. I opened my back-pack, removed my nursing scrubs, and pulled them on over my black outfit. I placed the shoe covering that carpenters use when they don’t want to leave footprints on new floors over my stocking feet, and then pulled out the knife. I stared at my own reflection on the shinny metal. I smiled. This was the first time I had felt a positive emotion in nearly ten years. I was almost happy; I had nearly forgotten what happiness felt like.

            I crept silently into his bedroom–knife in hand ready to strike. He snored loudly, and I jumped backwards–afraid that the sound may have awoken him.

            I had paid enough attention in anatomy to know where to cut first. I whispered, “This is for the children,” into his ear and pulled the steak knife across his throat severing his vocal cords. He awoke as the knife entered. It moved as smoothly as spreading cream cheese across my morning bagel. He looked into my eyes. I saw his fear and grew from it. The power he had taken away from me in that same room ten years ago rushed back into my body, I felt whole for the first time in a very long time.

            There was a shitload of blood, but he wasn’t even close to dead yet. I was going to make the last moments of his life as horrible and painful as he had left the last ten years of mine. I pulled back the sheets, he tried to grab my arm, but I sliced him. I then took a small piece of twine from my bag and tied his hands together to the bed post, so he couldn’t try to stop me again.

            I ran the knife down his stomach, toward the piece of him that had hurt me the most. I grabbed it squeezing. “Do you like that Uncle Marty?” I asked the same way he had asked me, as if what I was doing to him was as everyday as tying my shoes.

            I shoved the knife through the base, he winced in pain, but he couldn’t make a sound. He lay silent, this was better than I had imagined it. I held the knife close to his face as his blood spilled onto the bed sheets; the nice white linens had turned a deep rose, the same color as my parent’s kitchen. I placed my uncle’s penis into his mouth. “Just like that, right Uncle Marty?”

            Then, I stabbed him forty-seven times in the chest. It may have been over kill, but it was nothing to the pain he had caused onto me. With each stab I felt the energy releasing from my soul, all the pain and hatred I had toward myself was dissolving. “You will never hurt anyone again!” I whispered with each stab. Tears started to fall from my eyes as I pictured Melissa, Abigail, and Sarah living the lives they planed for themselves. They’ll have boyfriends, eat lunch in high school cafeterias, be cheerleaders, go to prom, graduate college, be loved, all because I killed the son-of-a-bitch that took that all away from me.  

            I stood above his body, dripping with sweat and blood, a mixture of mine and his own. Now came the messy part.

            I wrapped the body in the blood soaked bed sheet and pulled it into the bathroom. In the tub with the water running, I cut my uncle into pieces that would easily fit into my back-pack. His head however was going to be the difficult part; I’d have to make a special trip for that one.

            I washed the bedroom with the steam cleaner and scrubbed the trail of blood from the bedroom to the bathroom, changed out of the scrubs, then loaded about a third of my uncle into my bag. I rode the three miles to the ocean on my bike, waded out a little bit and dumped him out to sea.

Then I repeated the process.  

           

            It’s been two weeks, and Uncle Marty was just reported missing by his landlord, when he went up to collect late rent. Any evidence that I was there has been removed. Hopefully his body doesn’t wash ashore; I can’t really see that happening now though. The knife and the clothes are long gone by now, in a landfill in Greenland. Even if I do get caught, I saved my cousins and hopefully others from having to live with the shame and guilt of something that wasn’t even their fault.

 

Mr. Edward O’Malley Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Filed under: Poems — Deanna C. @ 7:03 pm
Tags: , , ,

Mr. Edward O’Malley

Five of us used to walk by to see the old guy
We’d throw rocks at him and laugh in his face
But he’d never look up, so we walked by
The strange man with umbrella and tie of lace
Just sitting and waiting for his train to arrive
Till that one day he wasn’t at his normal spot
We searched around the station, he was barely alive
His face to the grown his hands in a knot
In a pool of his own blood he lay
A knife to the heart and bullet to the brain
His umbrella broken and ten feet away
Right there in broad daylight the old man was slain
It’s been over ten years the murder unsolved
But it’s far from forgotten we’ll get those involved

 

So, it’s really harder than I thought it would be Monday, October 6, 2008

Filed under: life update — Deanna C. @ 8:07 pm
Tags: , , , ,

So, I’ve been working on keeping the death and sad, but it’s hard. I’ve also been working on what I like to call my life’s work. A story I’ve literally been developing since 7th grade. It’s called “From the Center of our Universe.”

I may be posting some of this. But I’ll try to keep the sad. I have one more murder story coming next week I think.

 

IN UNRELATED NEWS!!!

I’m going to BOSTON on OCT 17!!! why? To see the vlogbrothers, because I am a nerdfighter, and that’s what nerdfighters do.

and according to this webpost “death” isn’t a word. I know I can’t spell, but I spellted death right.

 

Lost Souls. Thursday, October 2, 2008

Filed under: Story — Deanna C. @ 2:58 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Lost Souls

“If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I’ll follow you into the dark”

–Death Cab for Cutie, I’ll follow you into the dark

 

            We had been there most of the afternoon, the first nice day of the spring, just he and I, laughing and feeding the ducks in the small pond at the edge of our blanket. It was our secret place, way off the main road behind his parents’ house, far way from all the things that made life in our town stressful and annoying.

 The sun peaked through the trees in a way I only thought possible in fairy tales. Caleb had planned an ideal day for the two of us, a cute little picnic, complete with wicker basket and napkins that matched the basket lining. He’d made adorable cucumber sandwiches, and carrot sticks with ranch dip, everything was so flawless that it was hard to believe. 

We brought his father’s row boat with us, so that we could paddle around our little pond. Caleb glazed at me with his grey-blue eyes as I looked for the little fish that swam along side us, and splashed me a little with the paddles.

            “This day just couldn’t be more wonderful Gwen,” He whispered to me, as he docked the boat near our blanket. He was more right than he could have imagined. Nothing could be more perfect, not him, not this day, nothing.

  We’d fell asleep laughing in the warm sunshine of that early spring day. I awoke under the stars, the full moon half covered by wispy clouds, yet most of the stars were visible. It was purely breath taking, they way that the moon reflected the trees into our little lake. A carbon copy of our beautiful landscape suspended in clear black water.  Even the ducks didn’t want to disturb it as they swam in circles around the edges so their ripples were small by the time they reached the picturesque reflection.

            I dare not move, for fear of waking him, but the gentle breezes of April crept slowly across my bare legs, where my cotton skirt was not covering. So, I sat up slowly looking for my shoes; they lay about three feet away close to the pond edge. It was as I slid the black plastic of my flip flops on to my feet, staring at Caleb peacefully sleeping on the blue and grey plaid blanket that I knew he would have to die.

             It was too perfect, the way his hair slightly covered his face, showing only part of his closed eyes, the wrinkled black t-shirt, the blue/ black light of the moon mixed with the trees shadowing over his body. I wanted to remember him that way; he had to stay this way forever.

            Caleb didn’t move when I lay back down next to him. I gently kissed him. Then sat up again and reached into the picnic basket looking for the knife he had used to cut the carrot sticks. It wasn’t as big as I had hoped, but I would have to make do. I rubbed the cold metal against his face, he flinched slightly, as if he had been touched by a cold breeze but he didn’t awaken. I was slightly disappointed by this. I almost wanted him to be awake when I started. I held the blade to the moon light, trying to catch my reflection in it, I couldn’t. Maybe I didn’t have a reflection anymore, I wasn’t as pure and beautiful as our landscape, but Caleb would have seen my beauty. He always did, that was part of the reason I had to keep him just as he was on that cool spring night.

            Slowly, so he wouldn’t awaken, I pulled his arm toward me, palm up. I traced the knife down his arm, softly, tracing my path. I ran my free hand ran through Caleb’s hair. Then I got to work, I stabbed the small knife into his arm dragging it down his light blue vein. He awoke with a start.

            “Gwen!” He yelled, trying to pull his arm away from me, but my grip was too tight around his wrist. I shifted so I could kneel on one hand while I reached for the other. “Gwen, stop, what are you doing?!”

            My muddy brown eyes met his crystal grey blue ones as he begged me. I tried to explain to him, but he couldn’t understand.

            “It has to be this way, Caleb,” I whispered leaning close to him, his blood covering my cotton skirt. “I’m saving you, saving our perfection. We won’t be perfect unless it ends right now.”

            “No Gwen,” was all he could say, trying to pull his hands from under my knees. A look crossed his face I had never seen before. My beloved Caleb looked scared. I had never taken into consideration his feelings on my decision; I assumed he would take it like everything else we did together. This time was different, he looked terrified of me. My heart shattered into pieces. I didn’t want Caleb to be afraid of me.

            “I’ll be coming with you, Caleb,” I whispered into his ear. “There is no need to be afraid. I’m following you into the dark.”

            Caleb’s pale face looked up at me; he mouthed “No,” one last time, “please don’t.” And then he faded  into the unconsciousness.

            The sun began to rise as I moved Caleb’s limp body, and went to wash my hands in the clear lake. A thin grey blue light covered the entire landscape. If I listened hard enough I could hear the early morning traffic on the main road. It would still be hours before anyone would come to look for us. I had time to finish my task, to be with my Caleb forever. I lay back next to him on the bloody blanket. His eyes still held the fear I hoped would subside. I shut his eyelids with the greatest of care, hiding the panic. He looked like my perfect Caleb again, sleeping soundly in the hazy light of early morning.

I curled myself in his arms. Then using the knife I traced the same path on my arms as Caleb’s. I felt his pain, his panic. I understood the look on his face. Through the pain and leaking blood I repeated the processes with my other arm. I became light headed fairly quickly. In the moments before I walked into the dark, I wrapped Caleb’s arm around me. We would live happily in our second life.  

 

 

 

 

 

EAP inspired poems Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Filed under: Poems — Deanna C. @ 2:29 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

 

First to start of I’ll keep it light, a dark poem inspired by the Poe stories I read in my American Realism and Romanticism class.

 

 

Nothing

 

The wall close slowly around

No hand to catch me as I fall

Into nothingness

 

I’m haunted by the knowledge

Of my horrid acts

My soul means nothing

 

An Axe handle is heavy

Than I once thought

But the dead is nothing

 

The beating heart of the past

Cloud my mind

Yet it’s nothing

 

I lead them to demise

Cold hard rooms a wait

Before they are nothing

 

POEMS! Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Filed under: Poems — Deanna C. @ 7:49 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Three Poems 2 kind of old ones, one newer one. Enjoy.

 

DeCoolz

 

Missing You

 

I check my phone every time

The song changes on my IPod

Wishing desperately that’s it’s really you

But it never is

And I miss you

I miss you more than words can say

 

 

 

When Pinkie Promises Meant Everything

(This is the poem I wrote in like 9th grade that gave me the idea for Spitballs)

 

A light pink bathroom

A secret sanctuary

The smell of day old gym socks

My hand interlocked with yours

Our unbreakable vow

To always be there

Me and You, the unstoppable force

Together as one

United forever

 

 

 

Should Have

 

I should have called

          Even though you told me not to

I should have come over

          Against my mother’s wishes

I should have let you copy my Chemistry lab

          Even though the teacher would have know

 

Maybe then I wouldn’t have found you sitting there

          Alone in strawberry slushy colored snow

Against the oak tree

          Where you carved our names so many years ago